Ridge Writers
Elvis Presley struck a chord in more ways than one when he released the song “Blue Christmas” way back in 1957. (It actually came out eight years earlier when singer Ernest Tubb recorded it in 1949 and has had a host of musicians record it since.) Feeling ‘blue’ at Christmas is not a new phenomenon. For many, Christmas is not the jolly season filled with cheer that is portrayed in the media. It can be an especially painful time of year for a number of reasons.
For anyone who has lost a loved one, the holiday season accentuates the loss since that person is so evidently not present during the festivities. As we noted in our last column, many people are grieving in Tumbler Ridge, and as the holiday season approaches, that void is going to be felt even more sharply. Whether it’s the first or fortieth year without your loved one, the holiday season is a stark reminder of their absence.
Christmas can also bring up painful memories from the past. Whether it be memories from childhood or thoughts of an unhappy relationship, emotions are high during the season and these feelings can surface at unexpected times.
Then there is the myth about families gathering in total peace and harmony. Let’s face it, getting together with one’s family isn’t always the love fest it is made out to be! “The Family Stone” is a great example of Hollywood actually getting it right. The 2005 film portrays a “normal” family trying to deal with the dysfunction and hurt that are actually part of real life. We sometimes place such high expectations on the holiday season that it actually adds extra stress and creates more challenges than at other times of year.
At Christmas, there is a lot of pressure to spend big on presents and the pleasures of the season. TV programs depict Christmas trees surrounded by gifts, and advertisements deliberately give the impression that to conform with this ideal we must all be generous and dig deep into our pockets and bank accounts. However, just because it’s the season of good will, none of us acquire a magical pot of money insulating us from the debts that may flow from over expenditure, and which can become an almighty life stress when the bills start rolling in.
As well, just because it’s Christmas, the pressures which have troubled us throughout the year don’t simply vanish. Illness, relationship problems and job worries come into sharper focus when set against the societal ‘norm’ which suggests that all is well and everyone is buoyed with laughter during the holidays. In particular, family squabbles and disagreements can be amplified by the extra time spent together during this season. At the other extreme, if we are alone at Christmas, feelings of isolation and loneliness can be magnified by the perception that most people are in the presence of company, and at least outwardly appear to be having a great time.
Of course, we don’t want to sound too negative. There is a sense of good will that permeates the season, and for many people it is a special time of fun and fellowship with others – no matter how dysfunctional one’s family and friends! However, it is important to be sensitive to those around you. Don’t assume that everyone shares your sense of joy or wonder. After all, it’s hard to feel cheerful and get into the spirit of the festivities when the pain is real.
If you are feeling blue this Christmas, here are a few tips to get you through those tough emotional waves.
Take a few deep breaths and allow that emotion to pass. The chemical component of anger, sadness, or other emotions only lasts 90 seconds in the bloodstream. After that it’s your choice whether to fortify and build on that emotion. It’s also your choice to move onto other thoughts.*
Reach out to others and let them know how you feel. This doesn’t have to kick off an emotional purge. Try releasing your sentiments then practicing the 90 second rule followed by the breath work. Allow yourself to be distracted with positive input, even for a short while.
Avoid excessive alcohol during this party season. Drinking moderate amounts may seem calming, but keep in mind that alcohol is a depressant. If you’ve got a lot to be blue about this Christmas, alcohol is not your friend. Reach for the soda, tea, or other beverages to keep your spirits up.
Go to the places that enliven your spirit. Be with the people and animals you love. Avoid confrontations or walk away from them. Remember that the tough parts of this season will pass.
Practice gratitude for the small things that you are able to enjoy now. If that is too difficult, try focusing on the joy your loved ones are experiencing.
If you are overcome with negative self-talk or overwhelming emotions this season, please pick up the phone and call one of these 24-hour lines.
The Crisis Prevention, Intervention, and Information Center of Northern BC: 1-800-784-2433
The Fraser Health Crisis Line: 1-877-820-7444
